You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself….
Six words that changed my life.
I was three years old and had finished a bath after a family dinner on Sunday.
Fifty years later I recall how I felt when my grandmother, Lyla said,
“You Should Be Ashamed of Yourself”
Two powerful words in that thread…
Recently I read an article about shame and guilt in Positive Psychology.
The article Why Shame and Guilt are Functional for Mental Health by Joaquin Selva.
Two takeaways from the article:
- “Shame is characterized by the desire to hide and escape, guilt by the desire to repair. “
- “Guilt may even play a role in the development of prosocial behavior in becoming a key aspect of children’s conscience. “
To expand EQ and leadership skills, I found it essential to access my feelings.
Feelings are the pathway to our subconscious and access to liberation and freedom.
I repressed irritation, frustration and anger for much of my adult life.
The other side of the same coin was the inability to express my incredible joy, happiness and excitement.
This landed me in a numb zone of mediocrity..
A grey zone.
I didn’t regain my ability to feel until I was 35 year old.
I learned how NOT to feel.
I was taught how to hide or avoid my feelings.
Suppress my feelings…
Sedate my feelings…
Withhold my feelings…
What about you?
Did you receive an “A” in the HOW TO FEEL AS A MAN CLASS?
I see it today, with “THE SHOULDS” we place on one another….
Or the abuse of power with the SHAME GAME.
It wasn’t until a caring, compassionate teacher taught me how to feel and it wasn’t until I was 35 years old.
Back to the bathtub and my grandmother.
Get ready, this is going to shock you as a man.
The grand reveal….
What was I doing that I should be so ashamed of?
I WAS PLAYING WITH MY PENIS.
Yes, a man touching and playing with his penis.
“YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.”
It made my grandmother way more uncomfortable than me but the lasting impression was now on me.
Shame and guilt are part of the human experience: they are uncomfortable too.
The shame that I felt at three had an impact because I decided I didn’t want to have that experience of shame again.
That feeling of being wronged….
Shame drove me to course correct…
I did whatever I could to avoid that gut bomb.
Playing small and being a muted little boy…
Not allowing myself to feel anything.
As I grew older and I covered up my ability to feel and learned to avoid, defect, deny and often distort my feelings.
At 35 I was reintroduced to the power and liberation of feeling and the wind that feeling put back into my sail….
I avoided feeling because….
I didn’t have the skills to experience a feeling without attaching or becoming the feeling.
Two extraordinary and powerful learnings for me….
The WAY IN IS THE WAY OUT!
I am NOT MY FEELINGS!
What changed in my life was: EVERYTHING.
For me and many men in our community, once they learn to feel EVERYTHING changes.
The lights come on…
The roof is blown off….
The fire in the engine room sparks the power….
Imagination and innovation are reignited..
What was once impossible now is possible.
For me I gave myself permission to follow my heart and begin coaching…
Physically, I reset my standards and what my mind and body could accomplish…
Spiritually, I felt the power of God working through me and shared my inspiration with my clients…
Relationally.. I reinvented my marriage despite being separated and having an affair…
What is possible when we feel?
THAT YOU FEEL….
Realm.Men is a community that can help men like me…
Men like you..
Help and support….
To stop avoiding, denying, being numb and living in mediocrity…
To stop sabotaging your life..
Do you want help…..
First, click the link to watch my new webinar introducing
“The 3 Box System.”
You will learn how other men like you have reinvented themselves.
This simple system is essential for all men who want….
Greater power, energy, passion, freedom, liberation and fulfillment.
Men who are numb and know they are leaders but are not showing up in their lives…
P.S. How much longer can you endure this in your life?
I am not special yet I overcame the limitations that I thought at one point and time where impossible to handle.
Watch the webinar to learn more.
P.P.S. Having the courage to explore shame is the path to liberation, power, purpose and possibility.
It is not complicated or difficult.
There is one simple system that is easy to put in place and when done will work for anyone.
Inward and Onward!
Founder of Realm.Men